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Out of Hiding - A Piece of My Testimony

An experience I wanted to share from a book I’m reading:

My thoughts drifted to an image of an open field. In the middle of the field was a large boulder. I was tempted to dismiss the image as a daydream and refocus on my next project, when something inside seemed to say, “Look a little closer.” I could see the picture in my mind the way a person can see a daydream. As I looked, I could see someone sitting on the boulder. I thought it was Jesus. There was a well-worn dirt path around the rock that formed a perfect circle. I soon noticed a little boy running on the path. Now and then he would look up at Jesus as if to say, “Look at me! Am I doing a good job?” Then, clear as could be, I heard the words, “You know, Marcus, any time you want to stop running and climb up here, we could spend a little time together!”(1)

Can anyone else relate to this the way I can? I could insert my name instead of Marcus very easily into this story.

For years I have been on a path of performance for God instead of relationship with God.

Our acceptance from God is not based on our performance. It is based on Jesus and his finished work on the Cross. He loves us even in the middle of our greatest failures and shortcomings. We don’t have to do one thing and he already loves us deeply.

I had been wearing a mask for so long, performing for everyone. I tried to stuff the hurt and pain down and be who I thought I should be (and who everyone expected me to be).

I put up a bunch of walls. I was performing as well as hiding my hurt.

And even though I have been a Christian since I was sixteen, I completely missed the intimate relationship I should have enjoyed with God. I didn’t know how. I didn’t know it existed. I missed out on knowing my true identity in Christ and what being a daughter of the King really means. I didn’t know how to really listen for God’s voice and leading in my life.

And because of that, I was being essentially ineffective for the kingdom of God. Ineffective, but serving myself into the ground. Exhausted and unsatisfied, and baffled as to why…

Several years ago, God started a journey of healing with me that has rocked my world. I am so grateful for the truth I’ve uncovered and the healing that has come. The word that comes to mind is grace.

He offers so much grace to us.

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace…1 Peter 4:10

As freedom has come, I am beginning to see my mission and purpose. As the walls come down, my vision and focus become clearer. I quit hiding and threw my mask in the trash. God has put me through some serious “heart surgery” and I’m so grateful for it. I’m free to use my gifts and talents as God directs.I’m free to be me, because he loves me and because I now truly know he is more than enough.

I have started running somewhere instead of in circles!

It’s never to late. He can redeem and restore anything and anyone. Someone needs to hear that today.

I can’t wait to share more next week…I’m praying for each of you.

Source:
(1) - “Toward A Deeper Walk” by Marcus Warner. Published by Deeper Walk International, 2007; Westfield, IN. Pg. 137-138.

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If you are an imperfect wife, mom, daughter, or friend, struggling to stay focused on God in the craziness and find joy in the heartache, then we have something in common. I am a recovering perfectionist and daughter of the King, slowly learning to fully trust the One who sees me just as I am, and is already pleased. I’m so glad you are here.

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