headerImage

Lord, I'm Exhausted And Where's The Picket Fence?

I was feeling really dry and empty this morning, with nothing to write about. Or maybe just a lack of desire to write anything. This usually happens to me as a result of being exhausted and/or not spending enough time with my Father. And then I saw a quote from Ann Voskamp that my friend Pam put on Facebook and I realized it was how I have been feeling.

“Sometimes what messes our life up most --- is an expectation of what our life is supposed to look like.” – Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

I have just come through several hard weeks with my kids. We’ve had coughs, ear infections, temper tantrums, sleepless nights, runny noses, grumpy attitudes (including my own), and my fourth child has been diagnosed with asthma. Seriously, who has heard of a family with four out of their five children with asthma (and they aren’t even all biologically related!)?

So yes, I’ve had several rough weeks. And it feels like someone keeps hitting the repeat button. I can deal with some sickness, but it has been more than that. I feel attacked, I feel like nothing ever goes right, and I feel disconnected from God. When I don’t spend enough time with my Father, everything feels off. I haven’t spent time with God because I’m not sleeping and am too exhausted to get out of bed once I do lay down. So what do we do when that happens? As moms, how do we survive those times when we just don’t have enough gas in the tank to meet all the needs around us?

The human spirit can endure in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear? – Proverbs 18:14

What do we do with a crushed spirit? That’s where I’m at right now.

I didn’t know it was going to be like this.

I didn’t expect it to be so hard.
I didn’t expect to have children with special needs and children with so many medical issues.
I didn’t expect to have so many adoption related struggles.

I did expect to get to spend at least a descent amount of time with my husband alone.
I did expect to have enough energy and patience to not feel like I’m just surviving the day.
I did expect to feel like I have enough time to do the ministry that God has called me to do (writing).

Unmet expectations. Lord, where’s the picket fence?

Can anyone relate to this?

Don’t get me wrong, I know how blessed I am. I’m so thankful for my beautiful children and my amazing husband. I’m thankful for the life God has given me…and yet there can be a nagging feeling of discontent.

I honestly believe my biggest issue is that I’m exhausted. When I don’t rest enough, everything feels hard.

A friend told me recently, “You need to spend time with your Father, and don’t be surprised if His first order of business is for you to sleep.”

I love this quote from Beth Moore: “Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is take a nap.”

So let’s walk in the freedom of knowing God wants us to rest when we are weary.

It’s okay to just do nothing for a while and not feel guilty.

Rest.

And then when we are rested, our Father is waiting patiently for us. When we are ready to get in the race again, He will direct us to the next best step.

This topic makes me think about the story of Elijah in the Bible. Jezebel had just threatened Elijah and he ran away in fear:

“I’ve had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” – 1 Kings 19:4-7

Has the journey ever been too much for you? I know I’ve felt that way many times.

But God keeps showing up and giving us what we need at just the right time.

I am asking God for rest. I’m asking God to help me adjust my expectations. I’m asking Him to give me new eyes to see His plan, purpose and will in my life, in the middle of the hard things, the disappointments, and the exhaustion.

Do I trust that even when I have unmet expectations and I feel exhausted, that His plan for my life and for my family's life is good? Do I trust that there is purpose behind every situation, even if I can’t see it at the moment?

Am I looking at each situation from an eternal perspective?

Hard stuff, but I feel God encouraging to keep taking these small steps of faith, to hang on, even when I’m exhausted and I can’t see clearly.

Being tired clouds our vision. But hang in there, my dear Friends. God is closer than we think or feel. He sees us. He knows I am exhausted. He knows you are exhausted. He’s sending help.

Let’s trust Him to revamp our expectations. And while we are waiting on Him to act and to restore our crushed spirits, let’s take a nap!

Lord, I’m so grateful You get us. I’m so thankful for your mercy and provision when we are exhausted and life doesn’t turn out the way we had planned. Help us to lean on You and look to You to refill our tanks. And thank you so much when it works out that we can lay down and get some sleep. Amen.

Sign up to receive Tammy's Blog Posts in your email. It's easy!
SUBSCRIBE
Click to watch our ADOPTION STORY

If you are an imperfect wife, mom, daughter, or friend, struggling to stay focused on God in the craziness and find joy in the heartache, then we have something in common. I am a recovering perfectionist and daughter of the King, slowly learning to fully trust the One who sees me just as I am, and is already pleased. I’m so glad you are here.

Archives
2014
June
July
August
September
October
November
December
2015
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December
2016
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December
2017
 
© 2017 Tammy Gerber
All Rights Reserved.
Contact
Facebook /OneRainDancer