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Abba

There it was again. The familiar ache that starts deep in my heart. A longing I can’t quite put words to, even as a grown woman. A longing that has been with me from my earliest little girl memories.

The ache that makes me long to be noticed, to be wanted, to be told I’m beautiful. The longing that makes me feel insecure, lonely, and some days just a little bit desperate. It can derail a day for me very quickly. Can anyone relate?

I have an amazing husband who loves me and tells me I’m beautiful, so where is that feeling coming from?

I have done a lot of healing of old, deep wounds over the past two years, some of which I have shared with you. I think the remnants of those lies I used to believe try to rear up again and destroy my freedom. My enemy tries to use my past to destroy my freedom.

Old wounds can be healed and redeemed, but old memories are much harder to deal with. Forgiving often feels easier than forgetting, especially if forgiving didn’t have the results you were expecting.

As I struggle, my heavenly Father steps in and sends me just what I needed. He did it again today. I read a Proverbs 31 daily devotion titled, “Why Daughters Were Made to Dance” by Alicia Bruxvoort(1) and it was just what I needed. It talked about how “dancing” with our heavenly Father is what every woman was created to do.

No human being can ever fill those longings, those aches, those needs we have to feel wanted and seen and beautiful. Only our heavenly Father can fill those empty places every time we need filled. I don’t know about you, but my tank runs dry a lot.

As I was reading the devotion, God was reminding me of my identity as His daughter, and He poured His love over my aches and the holes in my heart. A couple of quotes from the devotion felt like they were written just for me…

“And I see it clearly - how every daughter of God was made to soar in the safety of her heavenly Father’s arms. Once we’ve been set free from sin, God invites us to call Him “Abba,” a loving and familiar term, similar to “Daddy.” It’s there in our heavenly Daddy’s arms where we’ll learn to “dance” freely, living as His treasured children.”(1)

The truth brings comfort and peace.

And once again, for this time, the ache lifts. The longing is filled and truth lines up with how I feel. Until next time, when my humanness pulls the plug and drains me dry again.

But for now, I’m soaking in the reality of a Daddy who loves me more than I can comprehend or put words to. A Daddy who chooses me every day, and who is the perfect “dance” partner.

A Daddy who is the only One who can ever fill the ache. Lord, teach me to stop looking other places for what only You can give.

So this weekend as we celebrate our earthly fathers, let’s also remember our heavenly Father and His great love for us.

Happy Father’s Day, Abba. I love you. And I’m so thankful for the way you love me. Thank you for filling those aches no one else can reach. Thank you for being my “tree of life.” Amen.

Source:
(1) - Proverbs 31 Ministries daily devotional email. “Why Daughters Were Made to Dance.” June 16, 2015. Written by Alicia Bruxvoort.

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If you are an imperfect wife, mom, daughter, or friend, struggling to stay focused on God in the craziness and find joy in the heartache, then we have something in common. I am a recovering perfectionist and daughter of the King, slowly learning to fully trust the One who sees me just as I am, and is already pleased. I’m so glad you are here.

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