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A Glimpse of Light

I hesitate to write too much about my children. But I usually write about what’s on my heart…and today my heart is overwhelmed with heaviness and desperation for my oldest child (he just turned twelve). I couldn’t write about anything else if I tried.

We adopted my son at eleven-weeks-old. He is beautiful and sweet and compassionate and has the best smile of anyone I know; but I haven’t seen much of that great smile lately. When he was three-years-old, he climbed up on my lap and grabbed my face in his little hands and said, “Mommy, you saved me.” As I think about that moment, my heart is broken and the tears come quickly. The fear settles in my heart again, and I feel so tired.

We are in a battle for his mind and heart…a battle I am totally unequipped to fight.

After something my neighbor said to me last night, I had a picture come to my mind that adequately describes the struggle our family is feeling right now. I picture my husband, my son, my other four children, and I riding on a horse (it’s a really big horse). The horse is running so fast and we are completely out of control. My son is no longer hanging on, so we are hanging onto him and hanging on to the horse and each other or we will all be flung off and trampled. It is pitch dark; we cannot see even one inch in front of us. We don’t know which way to go…do we turn to the right or the left, or just keep going straight? And worst of all, we don’t even know how to ride a horse!

We have absolutely NO idea what to do next. Have you ever been there? Not a good place to be for someone who likes to be in control (or think she is).

And so I do the only thing I know to do…cry out to the only One who can rescue us. Jesus, help us!

And I’m asking if you would consider crying out in prayer with us…

There is so much I don’t know, but there are many things I do know:

  • God is fighting for us even when we can’t see. He is working behind the scenes, and He is the King of the universe.
  • God loves our family and He loves Ethan.
  • God works miracles from impossible situations.
  • God knows how to ride a horse, and He knows exactly where to go!

Would you pray with us to see a glimpse of light? Would you join us in asking God to show us the next right step?

Lord, I know you are the Light. I know you are totally trustworthy. We know you have all authority in this situation. Would you renew our faith and give us strength when we feel so weary? Lord, we don’t know what to do. We need you so much. Would you do what only you can do? We are asking for a miracle. In Jesus Name, Amen.

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If you are an imperfect wife, mom, daughter, or friend, struggling to stay focused on God in the craziness and find joy in the heartache, then we have something in common. I am a recovering perfectionist and daughter of the King, slowly learning to fully trust the One who sees me just as I am, and is already pleased. I’m so glad you are here.

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